…Oh wait, wrong kind of moon.
Last night I went to see New Moon, because I am a not so secret Twilight lover. Well, not really, I take the piss out of it a lot, but I really enjoyed the first film…hmm, that sounds like I mean something else, but it was enjoyable in an unexpected way and I laughed a lot. This one had more awkward moments than laugh out loud ones sadly. Just why Bella and Edward need to make so much noise when they kiss is beyond me. I get it, you’re very passionate and Edward would also like to rip your throat out, but do it quietly, it’s just weird. The bits where Edward would pop up and tell her to stop being reckless were amusing though.
I will say that Taylor Lautner was not nearly as annoying as I thought he was going to be, his acting wasn’t as shoddy as last time. And the boy is ripped. But I did feel sorry for him as he spends most of the film in only shorts and is obviously freezing his ass off. That shaking he does when talking to Bella isn’t from heartbreak, it’s the frostbite settling into his nipples. I know that’s how he spends most of the book but jeez, get the kid a coat. (Also, how much of a tease is Bella, really? She very much uses Jacob and basically says ‘I am never going to want you, or choose you, but please don’t go anywhere and don’t stop liking me because if you do I will die’. It’s a really cruel thing to do to a person.) So I am still not quite Team Jacob (even though I was rooting for him in the books), but he wasn’t too bad. I’m not totally Team Edward though either. I am more Team Bella’s dad. Because I am getting old.
I thought the werewolf CGI was pretty lame, but the action bits toward the end were good. I liked the vampire chase and the Volturi fight. Actually I just liked the Volturi full stop. Michael Sheen was loving it, proper playing it up, and he was brilliant. Even Dakota Fanning was good in the tiny bit of screen time she was allowed. If they could cut out some of the loooooong broody bits and awkward ‘romantic’ moments it would be better. Twilight fans would riot, but you’d have a more enjoyable film.
Needs more: Action, Volturi, Wolf Pack, amusing side moments with Bella’s other friends, Cullens.
Needs less: Moping about and depression. I know I know, that’s all the book is about really, and I had a big problem with it there too. If, when I was eighteen, I had been waking up every night screaming and crying after nightmares and spent the days in a fog where I hardly talked and avoided all my friends, my mum would have stepped in and given me a good shake saying ‘OK kid, this stops now.’ After about a week. Bella’s dad lets it go on for what, three months? And then when he finally does say enough is enough she fobs him off with an ‘Oh yeah I am fine now dad I am going shopping tonight with my friend. See, all better!’ Ugh. It’s just stupid and a really bloody bad message to send. If you do not feel like killing yourself after your breakup then you weren’t really in love. But then I’ve never been a fan of Bella, she’s annoying to the nth degree and only becomes interesting towards the end of the last book, which is going to be interesting to see if they do make it into a film.