Mid-Week Randomness

Seeing as it’s Wednesday and nothing much of interest happens on a Wednesday I thought I’d share this with you. I am not usually one for overly muscled men, it seems a bit excessive most of the time, but while skipping through the channels last night I caught a certain scene in Blade: Trinity, and oh my. Now, it’s a shitty film, with far too much product placement and it kinda ruined the Blade franchise, and it doesn’t have Stephen Dorff, but a certain Mr Reynolds almost makes up for it.

I mean, DAMN!

And now I’ll stop objectifying men and say also I am glad the world did not end today with the activation of the Large Hadron Collider, of which I was basically oblivious until after the fact. Glad we didn’t get sucked into a Black Hole of Doom, especially not when I was at work doing ridiculously mundane tasks. I still have no idea what the real point of the LHC is, even after reading the handy facts pages on news websites. It’s something to do with lights or laser beams. And it will answer previously unanswered questions about the universe. That’s fine, just gimme some warning if that Black Hole is on its way, ok? Even if it’s just so we can save Ryan’s abs.

Things I know today, that yesterday I didn’t

Last night was my bookclub, where we had read A Christmas Carol. I was quite pleasantly surprised actually, having feared all things Dickens for some years and avoided him like the plague. This was very short (yay), and easy to read. Not remotely surprising, in that, once you’ve seen A Muppet Christmas Carol (which I really really want to watch again now) and Scrooged you know it all, but it was still enjoyable anyway.

However, I won’t go on about that, when I could instead tell you what I discovered, and that is, there is a Charles Dickens Theme Park! In Kent! Whose brilliant idea was this? Now, the person who told me about this has been, and said it is incredibly naff and there’s not much there, and having looked on their website and taken the ‘tour’, I can see what he means. There seem to be many more restrooms than there are actual rides. And there’s a Courtyard. How exciting. And Fagin’s Den for the little ones, and a Greengrocer’s. The main rides seem to be the Haunted House, where you can view ghosts from Dickens stories (ooooh), and the Great Expectations boat ride, which must be one hell of a speedboat, seeing as you can’t go on if you’re pregnant or have a bad back. Or maybe that’s something to do with Magwitch. I haven’t read Great Expectations, who is Magwitch and what has he got against pregnant ladies?

Also, the gift shop is called The Old Curiosity Shop. See what they did there?

I kind of want to go. Although not badly enough to spend £12.50 for the pleasure.

Creature Feature

My lovely new passport just arrived. Yay! I have proper ID again. I can flee the country whenever I feel like it. I am a citizen. Well, I always was, but I just didn’t like not being able to put my hands on my passport. So I have a new picture, in which I am not wearing my sixth form uniform, but I also look quite dead. Um..yay for having that in there for the next ten years? Also, it is one of the new ones with a chip in the back. Very weird. I miss having stuff in it though. Woe at the loss of my old visas.

But I’ve got to ask, whose idea was it to put birds in my passport? Random birds. I think one might possibly be a Peregrine Falcon, but don’t quote me on that. And there’s even one on the page with my info. It looks like it’s coming at me, ready for the kill, its beak slightly open ready to pluck out my eye. Are they really necessary? Is this where my (extortionate) £72 is going, on decoration, on making British passports look nice? Was there some sort of get together to discuss what goes in passports? Are there different kinds, like some have farm animals in them, others sea creatures? Can’t I choose?

Vague segue to other animal world issues. We have a spider living in our hallway. It’s pretty big. He has knees. And leg warmers. I probably should give him a name. He lurks by the skirting board and has made himself a nice home there of very thick cobweb. When I first caught sight of him, back when he was a bit shy and darted back to the dark from whence he came, I thought it might be a mouse. I considered getting rid of him, but I’m scared. Every morning when I come down the stairs I briefly consider jumping off the last step and crushing him beneath my feet, but I think he’s prepared for that. He’s not shy anymore. He doesn’t even flinch when I open the door. He’s clever that one. So I think I’m letting him have the hallway. It can be his territory and I will wave the white flag as I pass on through. Hopefully if I leave him alone, he’ll leave me alone. I think world leaders could learn a lot from me.

Pod Person

Gosh it’s another girly-type post, that latent gene must finally be kicking in or something.

Anyway, I decided to treat myself to some new make up, seeing as I have used the same type of make up for years now, and I’m not sure if it’s doing anything for me at all. I talked to my friend, the make up guru, and she told me what to stay away from. I had a little look round the internet and decided what to focus on, and seeing as I was made aware of a Debenhams sale, I decided to have a mosey on down and see what I could see.

I started at Clinique, because although it’s a bit more pricey, I have heard good things, and used to use their moisturiser before my eczema played up. I stood by the foundations for a little bit feeling too afraid to talk to the make up women and sweating (why oh why is it so hot in department stores?). Finally a lady came by who looked nice and I bit the bullet and asked for help. She whisked me off to a chair and started applying stuff to my jawline. Then, satisfied she’d got the right one, began brushing it all over my face.

Now, I’m sure we’re all aware by now how useless I am when it comes to stuff like this, so I was having all sorts of visions of what I would look like all caked up. Then she brought me a mirror and…I looked like me, only slightly better. Huh. And it felt nice on my skin, not heavy at all, which is nice. Anyway, it was this stuff

So I was happy with that and so decided to ask about blusher as well. (I do have some blusher but I can’t remember when I purchased it, so surely that means it’s time for a new one?) And I got and this one in ‘Innocent Peach’, quite fitting, seeing as I am an innocent peach.

The sales lady was really helpful and didn’t once try to sell me anything other than what I was looking for, which is rare. She was also wearing good make up herself, unlike the young girl at Benefit, who was a bit scary to look at. I went over there for this concealer to hopefully do something for my under-eye circles so I stop looking like I’ve crawled out of my crypt in the morning.

I was slightly disappointed that I didn’t get a goody bag with samples in from Clinique, instead got a rather futuristic looking big shopping bag which I will never use in a million years, so I’ve given it away to someone at work. They can carry such things off. I cannot.

And people at work seem to think I look nice (although they stress I always look nice, lovely lovely people that they are) and not make uppy at all. The true test of this will be if I can successfully put all this stuff on myself. Could be disastrous you know.

I can’t believe I’ve just spent so long talking about make up. What is wrong with me?

Off to finish my home made leek and potato soup now. Yeah, check me out, I wear make up and cooked something green.

Holidays Are Coming…

It is officially Christmas time, for the Coca Cola advert tells me so.

I Got Ham But I’m Not a Hamster, Part II

I’m assuming there are some serious Bill Bailey fans out there. Either that or he has been doing his ham/hamster/soul/soldier joke far too much recently. Six people in the last 2 days have found my blog by searching this phrase. Four of them this morning alone. Random. And it is, to date, the search that has been used the most to get to me. Hmmm. Was Bill Bailey doing stand up somewhere this weekend then? Is this the same person searching this term and forgetting they’ve already been to me, or is it six individuals?

Dudes, I’m sorry, I can’t shed any further light on the ham/hamster story. I don’t have footage of him saying it, and I’m sure I’m not remotely as amusing as he is. What exactly is it that you’re looking for?

Of course now I’ve probably doomed myself to even more hits. Hello Bill Bailey fans!

EDIT: Thanks to Le6o I can now offer you this:

Bill Bailey aside, I have just been to get a new mugshot passport photo. I don’t look terrible exactly, but I’m not sure I look well. I’m also terrifed of this whole passport application process. So many rules. What if I accidentally write in blue ink? What if I’m making the wrong face on my photo? Too much pressure. Which is why I have been putting it off for so long. I’m not thrilled about this photo being in my passport for the next ten years, though my last one is me at 16 in my sixth form uniform, grinning like an idiot (back when grinning was allowed on passport photos I guess). It might be an improvement. It might not.

A Night in the Life

EDIT: If you are searching for me on Google by ‘Teabelly’, this is the post that comes up. I have in fact written other stuff beyond this, so hit ‘Home’ above, and it’ll take you to my latest post.

Last night I went to a book launch for work (not one of ours, but Harvard. They have actual money for events like this and we, well, don’t.) It was at a little place on Greek Street that had weird sloping floors and lot of art on the walls, including a Picasso (which led to some debate about whether it could be real), and several naked men which led to a discussion about Michelangelo and how he wasn’t really fond of drawing women so would just draw them to look like men and then stick boobs on. I have no idea if this is true.

These kind of things are always a bit awkward. Full of people I have nothing in common with and who I have no idea how to speak to. I am not sure I would want to speak to them even. So I stood with Jenny and Rebekah all night, when they weren’t busy and I wasn’t handing out canapes (Note: Handing out the food does not mean you get first dibs on the food.) Jenny is much better at these things than I am and was talking about how to mingle when a woman came in and stood near us, fussing over her drink and bag and phone. And so we spoke to her for a bit and then she got a call from her friend, turns out she was in the wrong place. Not even the right building. Oh well, she got a free drink. Our mingling sucks. Although later we felt sorry for two blokes who had been standing together all night by themselves and spoke to them. I think there’s a reason they were by themselves, and that reason is dullness.

I put my bag under the table but then had to move from it and was worried about leaving it there. I was trying to keep an eye on it, then said really they aren’t probably the stealing kind.

Rebekah: Carrie, half these people can’t even bend over.

Very true. And my bag didn’t move all night.

Apparently Melvyn Bragg had said he was coming, but seeing as I could trip over Melvyn Bragg and not know it was him, even after looking him up on Google Images, I don’t know if he was there. Doubt it. There was a man who looked like Douglas Hurd. Most likely not Douglas Hurd. But Jenny did see Will Young. Not at our party, but still.

This entry is about as rocking as my evening.

This morning was the bus ride from hell. My bus was not going anywhere and I was trapped miles from the tubes, so I had to wait. To be fair I probably could have walked in the time it took. I finally made it to Angel and got on a tube, but I am not in the best of moods. To add insult to injury there were mouse droppings on me desk again this morning. Just my desk. And if they are pooing they must be weeing also. Oh god, I’m going to get salmonella.

What the Dickens?

For my next book club in December I have to read A Christmas Carol. On the one hand I am quite happy to be reading a classic, and it’s nice to have a Christmas theme at this time of year, but on the other hand, it is Dickens, and I although I don’t think I’ve read any of his, I have read excerpts and didn’t find his language all that easy to get on with. The closest I’ve got to Dickens really is playing the Narrator in my junior school version of Oliver Twist (I rocked by the way). Plus, I am reading two other books at the moment that I’d like to finish before going on to that. I haven’t even bought it yet and have no idea how long it will take me to read.

So, do we think I could get away with just watching The Muppet Christmas Carol or Scrooged instead? No…?

I am going Ice Skating at the 02 arena on Sunday. This has lots of opportunity for disaster, as I am barely able to function on two feet, nevermind skates. But I love ice skating and haven’t been in ages, so even if I spend the whole time clutching the side and having legs as wonky as Bambi, I will have a grand old time. Unless I break my leg or something…I remember the first time I went skating, my mum said if I fell I had to make sure to keep my hand closed in case someone skated over it and chopped my fingers off. Talk about putting the fear of God into you. Thanks Mum. I wonder just how many finger amputations there have been in ice rinks across the globe?

At the moment I have Leona Lewis’s Bleeding Love song in my head. Driving me quite mad, mainly because I just don’t quite get what she’s trying to say. It’s quite upbeat music-wise, and yet she’s talking about being cut open and bleeding. So, does she mean she’s fallen in love, has had her heart broken and is now ‘bleeding love’, “You cut me open and I keep bleeding’? Or, was she cut off from love before, “My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing”, has now found love and is so overcome that love is just pouring out of her, and this is a good thing? I just don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter at all, but when it’s going round and round in your head you start to wonder these things.

Somebody is coming to look at the flat today for the first time in months, wonder if anyone will ever put an offer in. Perhaps the asking price is too high?

It’s Friday. Woot! Tonight I am going to see Once at the cinema and it’s supposed to be really good. Tomorrow I am sleeping lots, double woot! And I must do my ironing (oh joy). And then skating on Sunday, so it’s shaping up to be a very nice weekend.