Sunday I went to see some comedy at the Hammersmith Apollo.
I will attempt to say what cause it was about, seeing as I have the literature next to me, but if I get it a bit wrong, well…Russell Brand couldn’t get it either. Though that’s probably not something to be proud of, being like Russell Brand. Ok, so, this was ‘A seriously funny attempt to get the Serious Fraud Office in the dock!’ Right. It’s about Britain’s biggest arms company BAE paying bribes to a Saudi Prince, and the Serious Fraud Office (SFO, which, if I’m honest, sounds like it’s from a comedy sketch all on its own, but what do I know?) started an investigation and then Tony Blair said no, don’t so that, we don’t want to upset the Saudis, and this upset people who actually DO THINGS about injustice and they decided to hold a comedy benefit to raise money to take them to court.
So that’s the background, and I can feel all good about myself for giving money to a good cause but really enjoying myself lots. The line up included:
Simon Amstell – a person I disliked very much whenever I flicked onto Pop World, but which may have been because of my serious dislike for his pal Miquita Oliver and her short skirt shiny tights combo THAT JUST DO NOT SUIT HER!!! And who I have liked since he was on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. He was very funny.
Ed Byrne – Funny but with such a thick Irish accent to begin with I couldn’t totally follow.
Omid Djalli, Robin Ince, Stewart Lee, Mark Steel, a young lass named Josie Long who was pretty good but made me feel nervous for her, Mark Thomas, the genius behind the show and again, chuckles were had.
Russell Brand, who again, I’m not much of a fan of, did have me in stitches, but I just can’t get my head around him. Why does he look like a badly dressed woman? Why does he have such a weird body shape that makes his pecs look like boobs? And those boots, really? Am at a loss. Ooh and Bill Bailey showed up as a surprise, and sang a song like the Killers ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ which explains the title of this post.
And we had someone introducing and I’ve forgotten his name as he was a fill in, and he was Canadian and very nearly almost flashed his penis, I was a bit worried about his trousers for a minute. We did get to see his bum and I’m never totally impressed by comedians who resort to waving their arms around like a lunatic and flashing their bits, but he was all right and I liked his rendition of ‘I’m the only gay eskimo in my tribe.’
Two things annoyed me on my night of fun. Firstly, woman with 6 kids and a huge pram stops the bus just as the traffic lights are turning green. Takes an age to get on, doesn’t have any money on her Oyster card, has to pay cash, gets all her kids settled. The lights turn red, we sit for ages cos it’s road works. Lights turn green, we go round the corner, she lets out a groan. ‘We’ve got on the wrong bus’ (as if her children are somehow complicit in this), stops the bus, gets everyone off eventually. Why does this happen when you’re in a hurry?
Second, I got sat next to a guy at the comedy who was wearing slip on shoes and who liked to slip them off and then put his horrible bare foot dangerously near my leg. God I hate feet and a stranger’s feet even more so. Also he took over the arm rest and put his legs over on MY SIDE! And he kept talking to his mate. People like this should not be allowed out if they don’t know the rules.
Oh! And we went for Thai food, so no one is allowed to call me non-Adventurous ever again. Ner.
Also, I should not watch films like Freedom Writers as it just makes me want to become a teacher at an inner city school who inspires her class, which, let’s face it, would never happen