My (relatively) new upstairs neighbours have got to be the most heavy footed people I have ever encountered. I think they are in fact elephants in disguise, by day they wear cleverly adapted human suits but come 10/11 pm (it is always around this time) they remove said suits and thunder about. Or they are serial killers luring poor unsuspecting people into their home and performing a nightly ritual, because a lot of the time it does sound like a body hitting the floor from a great height…not that I know what that sounds like really. But what can they be doing? Moving furniture, are they feng shui obsessives? Are they dancing? Because it cannot just be them walking about, it is crazy thuds constantly. I have met the woman once, and she’s a tiny wee person. so what gives?
For the past two weeks or so British Gas have been calling me regularly, sometimes two or three times a day. They don’t leave a message (I Googled the number so knew who it was) and since I had no real need to talk to them I have ignored them. I finally caved today and so we had this amusing conversation:
Very enthusiastic British Gas person: Hello Ms My-Last-Name! How are you today? I hope you are very well!
Me: I’m fine thanks.
BG: Good good. Have you got time to talk to me today?
Me: Not really no, I am at work.
BG: Not to worry I will call back another time.
Me: (Oh god no please don’t) Can you tell me what it’s about?
BG: Why yes I can! I was just hoping to let you know the ways in which you could save money by transferring to British Gas from your current provider.
Me: British Gas is my current provider.
BG: (Stunned silence for a few seconds) Oh…are you sure?
BG: Have you just switched over?
BG; Oh…how long have you been with us?
Me: Three years.
BG: Oh…right then. (Uncomfortable laugh) I will update your records. Have a lovely day!