Weird Day

On Sunday I went to the filming of a Pet Shop Boys video, which London Rollergirls were starring in. They needed people to be in the crowd while they shot bout scenes. If there are any crowd shots in the video I should definitely be in them as there were only about a dozen of us. We kept having to move around the hall so it looked like there were more people. I’m dressed exactly the same for all shots so I dunno how much we’re going to fool people. I do a very lame cheer, over and over. It got a bit boring after a bit. Sitting with us was a middle aged woman who had come along because she’s a PSB fan (they weren’t on set), so we had to explain derby to her. It was all very surreal.

The video is for ‘Winner’ and features a man dressing up as a woman to play roller derby. I don’t know much else about the ‘story line’, other than at one point his girlfriend was played by one of the rollergirls. Anyway, he couldn’t skate. At all. I’m guessing it’s one of those ‘can you do this?’ moments actors have and they say yes to anything. There were many moments I had to hide my eyes because I was expecting the worst, as one hit would have broken him, but he seemed to come through unscathed.

It was good fun to watch anyway. And then I came home, getting drenched on the way, expecting to eat pizza with Max and watch bad Sunday telly. Instead, a photographer showed up to take pictures of Max for a magazine*. ‘I told you about that,’ Max says. No, you told me they’d asked you to wear chinos and have your photo taken, not that it was happening today. I’d have cleaned up! It took about an hour or so, with furniture moved and 200+ shots taken of him sitting on the sofa and then on the bed. I made a cup of tea (in a very flowery mug, ha) for a prop (Max doesn’t drink tea, the weirdo) and there were discussions about wardrobe and poses. Did I want to be in the shot, even just in the background? No I bloody did not, thank you.

So yeah, very unusual Sunday for me. We’re such a fame hungry couple, clearly.

 

*He’s in an article about Fifty Shades of Grey, the magazine wanted a man’s perspective. I haven’t read the book, other than the first few pages to see how dreadful the writing was, and don’t intend to.

Road Kill

God updating your blog lapses when you’re in the middle of moving and you don’t have proper access to the internet. We still don’t, but we are in our new flat, hurrah! Last Wednesday was a bit hectic since our van men were an hour and a half late due to getting an accident on the way (bodes well). They were also not as good as the first guy who moved me and seemed to take issue with having to actually pick stuff up. Um…that’s your job guys. Still, we got in eventually and then Max had to go back to work and I attempted to put the place in order. It’s an ongoing process, but we have a wardrobe now, another hurrah!

I took Friday off work to get stuff done and also because I was headed to a roller derby boot camp. My afternoon did not go to plan as I was rudely knocked down by a cyclist and ended up sitting in the back of an ambulance for a bit. I did not get flashing lights though as it didn’t go anywhere. I’d like it noted that I WAS COMPLETELY IN THE RIGHT! I was crossing the road on the green man like a good girl and he was coming the wrong way down a one way street. I would generally look both ways before crossing but on a green man on a one way I didn’t. He yelled but was going so fast I didn’t have time to do anything before he smacked into me and I hit the floor. Hard. With my right elbow. I’d just been to pick up some bits for the flat and can only assume the oven tins took the brunt of the hit on my left side as I don’t seem to be hurt there, and I don’t think I hit my head.

I burst into tears from the shock but people were very nice and helped me out of the street and got me some water. The cyclist stopped too but didn’t seem that bothered honestly, and then police came, possibly community support officers I dunno. They were taking all our statements and then cyclist sped off, with one officer in pursuit, but he got away. I find this amusing now, but not so much then.

Initially I said I didn’t need an ambulance but in the end agreed to be looked over, and they were very nice too and I am fine just bruised and shaken. I still went to the boot camp and only fell on my elbow once. I would write more about it but since the majority of what I have to say is negative I should keep my mouth shut, lest I be breaking any roller derby rules. The good things were mainly getting to hang out with my fellow Rec Leaguers and laugh a lot (and moan about the boot camp) and also one brilliant lesson that spread over the two days and was really helpful, about default strategy and how to always be useful on the track.

In other derby news I can now register my skate name. If only I had one.

In Which I Refuse to Use a Predictable Title

I would be a lot better at keeping up with this blog if I didn’t have the world’s worst internet at home. It allows me to look at some websites but others it can’t muster the energy for. After weeks of trying to sort it out I have just about given up. This is what it’s come to, the fact that I can get online at all is seen as a blessing. I was going to write about going home to Yorkshire for the weekend, and the difference between my weekend and Max’s, since he was at the Big Chill hanging out with Kanye West (AKA, walking past Kanye West) and I was at an altogether different kind of festival (my brother playing in an empty field for charity). But since London has gone to hell in my absence I sort of feel I should mention it.

I wasn’t in London when the shooting happened last Thursday in Tottenham, and I wasn’t here for the first night of the rioting. I got back on Monday afternoon, preparing to go to derby practice that evening and keeping a wary eye on the news. As I was taping up my toes (new skates will be had soon, oh yes) I got a text telling me practice was cancelled due to the riots. Though the area we practice in was fairly quiet, it was kicking off in surrounding areas, and they wanted us to be safe. See, derby love peeps. I’d had a text from a friend saying my neck of the woods was allegedly a target, and to be careful. Now, I live in Stoke Newington, it’s like the least likely place to be hit by a mob you could ever see. It’s full of yummy mummies with designer pushchairs and people who get up in arms when a Nando’s opens. But coming home on Monday I saw a street that was closing up shop, shutters down and a weird, tense air. Later I heard that shopkeepers were standing outside their properties with bats, ready to fend off any attacks, but I don’t know how true this is.

And there lies a problem with what’s gone on in the past few days: rumour and speculation. If you looked up ‘Stoke Newington’ on Twitter, you’d see half the people there saying it was calm and all ok, and the other half shouting about cars on fire, and that a friend of a friend had said it was all kicking off, that 300+ gangs were descending, that danger was around every corner. There was nothing of the sort, and it’s this kind of reporting, without checking the facts, that I don’t like about Twitter. It’s great for getting information out, but you have to be careful not to believe everything you read. I think some people were just getting off on being able to incite fear.

I’m not even going to attempt to go into why these riots happened, or why they’ve spread, since smarter people than me have all had a go. But I will say that I think that it’s disgusting, and that I cannot imagine what it’s like to be one of those people whose entire lives were destroyed over the weekend when their homes were set on fire. I don’t know who those rioters were sticking it to, but it certainly shouldn’t have been these people.

I am hoping it’s going to calm down now and things will get back to normal, but that somebody, somewhere, at least learns something from it, whatever it is that needs to be learned.

Always Use Protection

What’s in the bag?

Roller Derby protection gear. Helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards and mouth guard. Skates I got for Christmas but they’re pretty and had to be included.

Yesterday I went to Skate Attack in North London to pick up my gear. The people there were really nice and helpful, and the young chap helping me pick the right gear didn’t even laugh as I stood there saying ‘Which way does this go?’ or when I realised wearing jeans had been a mistake. Not that I have anything else to wear, I only own jeans and work trousers. My next purchase will be suitable derby clothing and then I’m all set. So I have my protective pads, and helmet and sexy mouth guard. Actually, I am not a fan of the mouth guard. As someone who has never played any kind of sport, let alone ones where you have to worry about losing your teeth, I’ve never had to wear one. They are not comfortable and it makes me gag. It’s a boil to fit but so far not fitting so well. I will give it another go.

I tried my skates on in the flat the other day and had a little skate around. I can at least stand up and move in them, so it’s a start. And I’m going to a roller disco next week to give them a proper try out. Hopefully I won’t make a total fool of myself.

Murder on Wheels

I have had such a lovely weekend. Friday night was Max’s Murder Mystery, which had sort of a Halloween theme, it being October. So I put on a black frock (the one I wore to my university grad ball and have kept for some inexplicable reason ever since, but hey, came in handy) and a hooded black cape, as this was the best I could do for an 1850s vampire slayer. Max was a French Count, and so spoke in a ridiculous French accent all night. I didn’t guess the killer, but I had fun trying to work it out.

On Saturday we went to see the London Roller Girls at Earl’s Court. Roller Derby is so much fun! (And brutal.) We watched as the Suffra Jets took on the Steam Rollers, and Ultra Violent Femmes went against The Harbour Grudges. We randomly picked the Suffra Jets to support in the first one, and they lost by…well, a lot. But, we later learned that the Steam Rollers had never beaten them, so it seemed nice that they got a win. I had a total girl crush on Poison Arrow, one of the Jammers, even though the ones on the other team seemed much better. Fox Sake was particularly good, appearing at the front as if out of nowhere. Max took a liking to one of the Ultra Violent Femmes, Kamikaze Kitten, and she was very good (that’s not why he liked her). I recommend going for a fun night out. And, I’d really quite like to have a go, even though I am pretty disastrous just on my feet and haven’t been on skates since I was about 10. I might have a try.

We got home and went to McDonalds cos we were starving. Before two months ago I hadn’t been to a McD’s for about four years, and now I’ve been twice. But sometimes it just hits the spot. They’re doing these awesome potato wedges at the moment with dip, and even though the lady serving was a right miserable cow who seemed annoyed to have to give me the dip, I was goddamn well having it. It says, right behind your head, potato wedges AND dip, I am paying for it or that is false advertising. I got it though, so all was good. And then we watched Resident Evil 4, which is shit. And not shit in a ‘so bad it is good’ way. Just shit. Bad writing (like, how long have those people been trapped in that prison exactly? The virus happened 4 years ago according to your flashback, have they been surviving there that long? I don’t think so, so WHY ARE THEY THERE HMMM?), stupid dialogue, a character solely there to jiggle her boobs and then get eaten, and shoddy special effects. No I don’t know why we watched the whole thing, since we both hated it.

Yesterday morning I got up and watched an episode of Supernatural while Max slept in, and then we went shopping for trainers. Neither of us was successful. I swear I have been in every shop going but cannot find trainers I like to save my life. There’s always a teeny ladies section with only Converse (which I like but not really appropriate for the weather coming up) or trainers that are made to look like sandals or other shoes. If I wanted those I’d buy them, wouldn’t I? I’d just get some men’s, but they’re too fat and, well, masculine. I will try again when I’m in the States.

And last night I caught up on Grey’s Anatomy and Glee. I am giving up on Glee. This season has been rubbish. In fact, since it came back from hiatus last season it’s been pretty crappy, very hit or miss, but I’ve kept going with it and I’m not sure why. It’s even worse now, since they seem to be hell bent on taking Rachel, who was never very likable anyway but somewhat endearing, and turning her into a full on psychotic bitch, as well as having no real sense of continuity at all. Since I’ve found myself fastforwarding through several of the songs and pootling about on the internet while it’s on, it seems wise just not to bother any more. A shame, but there you go.

Fore!

My weekend has seemed incredibly short because I had to work yesterday at a conference selling books. I did sell some so I suppose it was worth getting out of bed. After packing up and stopping off home for food I went to Max’s, he’d been working too, we’re so grown up. And then we went to see Eclipse, so maybe not.

(Below is a conversation with slight spoilers for Predators and Eclipse, if anyone cares about that kind of thing.)

Earlier on we’d been debating over Predators or Eclipse and finally settled on the latter, but I’d said I’d read a review of Predators and it said there was a bit of a stupid twist. Max remembered the twist part and forgot which film I’d been talking about, and so thought Eclipse had one. So we had this:

Max: I thought someone was going to bite Bella, every time someone was around her I thought they’d bite and turn her into a vampire. Even at the end when they were in the meadow I thought Edward was going to rip her throat out.

Me: Um…why?

Max: You said there was a twist! That would be a good twist.

Me: For Predators! A twist in Predators!

Max: Oh. Well. He should have bitten her, much better ending.

I’m sorry I ruined the experience for him. Though he’s right, would have been a much better ending. It was fine as Twilight films go, equal parts watchable and cringe worthy. Many parts I had my hands over my eyes unable to look at the awfulness going on. Oh Jacob, put some clothes on. It needs more Bella’s dad (totally have a crush on him, and he’s funny), and it needs more of her friends. Though we did get more of the Cullens and their back stories, which included Jasper and his sexy accent, so that was nice. This is the book in the series that I always forget what happens, mostly because nothing really does. It’s kind of the same plot as New Moon, with Victoria after Bella, and they don’t progress much relationship-wise. I’m not sure why they recast Victoria. Bryce Dallas Howard is in the film for all of five minutes and had about three lines. The other girl could have done it just as well. I am looking forward to seeing Breaking Dawn and how they handle the sex/birth scene. And the baby. And that’s enough Twilight nonsense.

Today we went to Alexandra Palace and played Pitch and Putt, which was basically a mini round of golf with ten holes. I didn’t play, I’d rather play Crazy Golf, but I got to have an ice cream, and I have been out in the sun and socialised. Here, have a photo:

If anyone would like to go to work for me tomorrow so I don’t have to that would be much appreciated.

For Me

So, I could talk about the election, and I should, but it’s all a bit depressing isn’t it? I voted, that’s all you need to know.

Instead, let me be all gross and annoying and wax lyrical about my Max and how he makes me laugh. Which is a good job really. This morning as we were watching the election results the news said the name of one of the MPs. I said ‘The first boy I ever kissed was called ‘Same Name as That MP’. Max looks at me and says ‘And the last boy you’ll ever kiss is called Max Lastname’. Just, just, as I was about to go ‘Aww, that’s lovely’ he adds, in an eerie voice, ‘Because I’m going to kill you.’ Pause. ‘You have to go and ruin it, don’t you?’ ‘Yes.’

But I laughed.

I was also amused by this exchange via email yesterday. I was being a proper grumpus all day I admit, and so he sent me this:

Max: Would you like a TIGER HUG!!!

Me: Did I tell you about that weird documentary I watched called ‘Cat Dancers’, about a couple who were dancers in their youth but as they got older their act lost its audience, and so they started using big cats, tigers, leopards, pumas etc, and brought in this other young dude to help train, and they all became lovers and would have lived happily ever after if they had not decided to bring in a white tiger with anger issues and had the young dude not tripped up in front of said tiger, causing the tiger to bite him on the neck and kill him. And then the woman committed suicide by tiger by going into its cage and having her throat ripped out.

The short answer to this then, is no, thank you.

Although that is very cute.

(Hmm, I suppose I can spoil nice things too, can’t I?)

Max: You’ve never, ever, told me that. I just want to say that so that the photo doesn’t have a menacing undertone to it.

Me: Oh, I only watched it the other week. It was bizarre. As it sounds. And quite sad, as the remaining third of the act was all alone, and the white tiger was shot and he later had to put down all his other animals too. When he is 80 he is going to leave the States and go to live in Thailand to live with those tiger monks, and I thought ‘Max has been there!’

Max: You do watch an awful lot of depressing docs when I’m not around don’t you?

Me: Apparently. But when you see a doc called ‘Cat Dancers’ that involves a menage a trois, you’ve got to, haven’t you?

Max: That should be the quote on the front of the DVD. A rhetorical question to lure in punters. It’s a fair point.

Me: Hopefully it doesn’t imply a manage a trois with cats…

This has probably not been interesting for anybody but me, but that’s fine. Oh look and it’s Friday! My mum is coming to visit this weekend and we are going out for afternoon tea. Have I said this somewhere already? Never mind. I love afternoon tea, we should have it all the time. Mmmm scones…

Nothing to See Here

OK, time for a semi regular life update.

On Friday Max threw a murder mystery party, which, I admit, I wasn’t hugely looking forward to since I had to dress up as Victoria Beckham and I felt all self-conscious about it. Also, he wouldn’t tell me much about it, since he was writing the whole thing himself, and I didn’t get how it was going to work. I basically suck as a girlfriend, frankly. Anyway, it was excellent fun, and he did an awesome job with the mystery and getting people involved. We were all footballers and WAGS, though with different histories to reality. We had dinner and then had to talk to each other to work out whodunnit. I was an accomplice but was discovered in the end darn it.

My best friend had a baby this weekend which is incredibly exciting. She is teeny and perfect and I can’t wait to meet her.

This weekend was a bank holiday which meant no Sunday Blues, and I have tomorrow off too, which is lovely. I got breakfast in bed and a cookie, which is really how every day should go. I haven’t done much, but it’s been nice. We also watched Iron Man 2 which was entertaining enough but dragged a fair bit and there was a lot you could cut out and not miss.

I was supposed to go on a Jack the Ripper walk on Saturday, which I was looking forward to as I’ve never been on one, but when I got to my train station it was shut, which the internet had not informed me of, and it was too late to get there any other way. Also, it was chucking it down, because every bank holiday has shitty weather, it’s like the law. Today we’ve had some sun but it’s been very cold and windy. Puh.

Um…yeah, this is lame as an update. I have basically spent the day watching Gilmore Girls and playing Mahjong on my computer. I know how to party y’all.

Look! Snippets of My Life and Not Books

I had horrible dreams on Saturday night. It is rare that I have properly bad dreams where I wake up covered in sweat and afraid. I was dreaming about ghosts, lots of them in my flat, possessing people and not letting me brush my teeth! That seems funnier now than it did then, when I was carrying around salt and drawing circles around myself to keep them away. (I haven’t even been watching Supernatural.) The worst thing was that I would wake up, and calm myself down, and then fall asleep and back into the dream again. That’s not very fair is it? Sunday night I was being all scared of the dark and finding the bathroom ominous, which is very silly. How am I almost thirty and still having moments where I am afraid of things that go bump in the night?

After listening to me ramble about the ghosts in my bathroom Max sent me this:

I love how sad the ghost looks. Also I am probably snoring, because I do that, allegedly. I blame hay fever.

Sunday I went to see Kick Ass, which was so-so. Not sure why it’s been getting such rave reviews. I found the beginning to be rather boring and Aaron Johnson not really all that good at carrying a film. Plus Nicholas Cage doing a weird Adam West-in-Batman voice didn’t help. What on Earth has happened to Cage? I am sure at one point he was a good actor. The film had a very odd tone, like it wasn’t sure if it was going for the full on comic book angle, or wanted to be taken seriously, or was trying to be funny, so it failed on all counts. I quite liked Hit Girl, but because of the tone issues am not sure if I should. Anyway, the ending was all right.

On Wednesday I am going to Glasgow, where I shall spend three days sitting in a room at the university attempting to sell books. Although we have been segregated to another, smaller room, without refreshments, as punishment for not paying for a swanky but useless stand. I am taking lots of books. For me to read, because of course I am taking lots of books if I am selling books.

And I do believe this has you fully caught up. Boo yah.

Shut Yer Eyes And…

I saw Shutter Island today. I like going to see films when I know little about them and go in with an open mind. No expectations is the best way. This was especially good this time, since had I been really looking forward to it I’d be very disappointed. God, this film goes on forever. Shots that should last three seconds seem to last three minutes. The music is ridiculously heavy handed. ‘You will feel on edge!’ Or just be extremely annoyed. The acting is decent, Leonardo DiCaprio is very good and had I given a shit about what happened to him I’m sure he could have made me feel very worried about him and invested. But I didn’t. I was just watching it unfold, following along but not feeling any of it. I think a lot of it was that it didn’t feel very original, and from the beginning seemed to be headed to one of two conclusions, and it did. It was expected, even if I didn’t predict all the details, there were few ways it could go. Also, the ending really reminded me of a Buffy episode, which was superior. All in all, pretty dull. Except for when I found bits unintentionally funny and had a little giggle.

Moving on from films to books. I have several book fails to report. I have gone from not ever wanting to give up on books at all, to tossing them aside without much thought if they’re not grabbing me. All of these I picked up on a whim at the book swap, so maybe that’s why.

Magic to the Bone by Devon Monk. Not something I’d usually read really but I was in a sort of ‘magic zone’. It’s a world like our own but where magic has been discovered, and is being abused. Using magic comes with a price, and some people offload that price onto someone else. Allison is a ‘hound’, she finds out who does offloading spells. Her most recent case has her father’s signature all over it. And that’s as far as I got, because it was lame and I did not care what happened next.

Library of the Dead by Glenn Cooper. A serial killer is at work in New York, though his MO is different for every victim. The only thing connecting them is a postcard found at each scene, with a date and coffin pictured. The date is always the date they die. And there’s an aging, disgraced cop assigned to the case against his wishes, and partnered with a young woman he doesn’t respect. And a whole bunch of other stuff about Area 51 and holy crap is it badly written. The dialogue is awful. I swear no one would talk to each other like this. It’s riddled with cliches and horrible characters. Sure, you can have characters that you’re not meant to like, but at least make them well drawn. I particularly disliked how he portrayed the female partner. She’s supposed to be an educated woman but she comes across as immature and naive.

There’s a part in the book where a man is reading someone’s script and thinks, ‘Weak plot. Terrible dialogue. Poor character development etc etc. Recommendation: Pass.’ That about sums it up. And so I took his advice.

The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas. I don’t really know what this is about, as I didn’t get very far at all, probably not even a hundred pages in, which is very unusual for me. Other than a woman finding a book that is allegedly cursed I don’t know much, or where it was going. I think with this one it was more not being in the mood for it than it was a bad book. The writing was fine enough. But I can’t say I’ll definitely revisit it either.

I woke up this morning and had no idea what day it was, but I was coming down on the side of Friday, and being pissed off that I had to get up. Then the fog finally cleared and I remembered it was Saturday, and all was good.