So…what do we think of the iphone? Yeah yeah, I’m like 400 years behind everyone technology-wise, but my phone contract expired in July, and I only just noticed (I should not be in charge of these things), and I’m trying to figure out whether to stay with my current plan and just get a new phone, or change providers and get me an iphone.

The pros of it are…well, it’s pretty isn’t it? Mmm hmm. And it has an ipod built in basically, and I don’t have an ipod any more. And there’s all sorts of other gadgets and internet and what-not. Cons would be mainly price I suppose. I don’t really use my phone that much. I pay about 20 quid a month at the moment and rarely go over my allowance. I’m one of those freaks who don’t really like to talk to people on the phone, I’d rather do it through texts or online. But if I had an iphone I would probably use it more, and have internet handy, and my music. I am also notorious for wanting shiny new things and then not using them nearly as much as I should. I still haven’t completed Super Mario Bros on my DS and I’ve had it over a year.

So maybe I don’t need an iphone. Maybe I can make do with something else. But right now I really, really want one.

Sigh. Maybe I should just get an itouch…

But before the party could start I needed to go shopping. Yes, shopping, that hateful word. But miracles do happen, and it wasn’t actually that bad. I even bought stuff! Quite a bit of stuff! I now have jeans that fit (wow, what a revelation), 2 pairs even, t-shirts, underwear and a new bag. It was worth the trip and it was a good thing I took my big case home with me.

So yes, barbecue. All the family was there, we had lovely food and people got drunk. Ah family. My cousins wanted to watch the Britain’s Got Talent final, and since I am lovely I let them. Then half of us were in the living room cheering people on. Although I haven’t seen any of it and only know about Susan Boyle, who was totally overrated and is now in The Priory of all things. I did like Diversity though. But having watched it I was a bit stunned. This is the final, that means these are the best of the bunch? Good lord, some were rubbish. That little kid, Shaveen(?) right wound me up.

Earlier in the day Russ had said he’d put a bet on for me on the football, since he was going anyway, and what did I think the score would be? So I told him and I won! I don’t really like having to cheer Chelsea on, but I won 16 quid. Ha. Russ did not win. Double ha.

And now I’m back in London, and back at work. If only time could slow down as you got older, instead of speeding up.

• This week I met someone who knows Stephenie Meyer. Decide for yourself what is meant by ‘knows’, but she did say ‘she’s such a down to Earth person’ if that helps you any. And apparently she’s thrilled to learn that the UK can’t get enough of her books, since this girl seems to give her a running tally of how many people she’s seen reading them on the bus that week. I came very close to an extremely awkward moment, but somehow managed to save myself at the last minute. It’s not my fault, she set me up with a ‘She’d never written a book before and she wrote Twilight in three months’, to which my mouth was open, my tongue was forming ‘yeah, you can tell’, when I paused. Thank goodness, because she followed that up with the gushy down to Earth bit and how amazing the books are. I forget that not everyone out there takes the piss out of the books as much as I do. (Hey, I can say it, I read the damn things. And I did say they got better as they went along. But you have to admit, there’s some HORRIBLE writing going on in that first one.)

• Last week I got slightly addicted to internet shopping. I’ve shopped online before, but not for clothes, because with me that’s just asking for trouble. But I needed stuff and the thought of going shopping in London makes me ill. I have learned my lesson the hard way. I figured if it didn’t fit it could go back. The first stuff arrived the next day, but the rest didn’t show up until this week. That’s fine, I wasn’t in dire need of it, and you know, it was quite nice actually, because I had forgotten what I’d ordered. Opening the packages was a little like my own personal Christmas Day. ‘Did I buy this? I guess so.’ And everything fits, yay, rejoice. Although I would have been happier had they not sent me an email about their sale which showed everything I bought last week is now way cheaper. Grr.

• Joaquin Phoenix, faking or melt down? I’m going with faking, but that’s only because I love him so and the idea of him wandering around like Grizzly Adams on purpose is so much easier to take than if he’s having mental issues.

• Today is clean out day in my office, and we are having pizza and cake. I know, terrible isn’t it?

Worse than shopping is shopping in London. It is always rammed, no matter when or where you go. Tourists wander about slowly and veer into your path no matter which way you try to go round them. It’s all so damn time consuming and frustrating. I wanted to go shopping when I went home for xmas, but being all snotty and gross made that seem like climbing Mount Everest, so I didn’t. Hmm, possibly should have. I thought I’d be smart this time and avoid Oxford Street altogether, and headed for High Street Kensington. It’s a bit of a trek but I’ve been before and it wasn’t too busy. It wouldn’t be too bad.

Uh huh.

First of all, it was a match day. Is is always, without fail, a bloody match day when I venture out. Stupid feckin Arsenal. So I was stuck on the bus for ages before the driver kindly let us off to walk. This was also an added incentive not to dawdle, seeing as I needed to be back at Finsbury Park before the football finished and getting home become a trauma too. Fighting thousands of football fans to the two tube stations and being forced out an exit you don’t want to go through is not my idea of fun.

I get to High Street Ken and notice the police presence. That’s unusual. I wander into the Gap and buy some jeans (note, not one of the pairs in the sale I tried on were nice. Of course not! Gotta be full price for me!) I continue on down the street…into a full on protest. Yep. There were hundreds of people filling the streets, surrounded by police vans, carrying signs and screaming ‘Free Palestine!’ Oh shit.

I thought at first that I could work around it. Silly, silly, rookie mistake. My working around it saw me stuck in the middle of the damn thing. I just wanted to cross the road! Can I not make it to Top Shop and Zavvi? I turned to go back and was face to face with a man carrying a life size plastic doll, naked, covered in fake blood. Sod shopping, it was time to go home. I didn’t want to be in the middle of it when/if it went bad.

Then I felt a bit bad, here was a major protest about something important and all I was worried about was doing my shopping. I wish I could say I felt so bad that I threw down my stupid possessions and joined in. I didn’t. I headed home, stopping only to buy a new scarf and gloves to deal with the cold (I still don’t have a proper winter coat though), and two delicious cookies.

The cookies almost made the trip worth it. Almost.

2. I’m currently reading Pride and Prejudice. I’ve never read it. I know I know, it’s been on my To Read list forever, and I’ve seen the last half of the latest film, and that’s all. And, must say, I am really enjoying it. It is, for want of a better word, delightful.

3. Tonight I am going to the doctors for the first time in ooh, at least 2 years. Hate doctors. But my ear is driving me nuts. I am slightly afraid that they’re going to pull out some kind of Central American insect that’s been living in it and having babies for the past two months. It could happen, right?

4. I am being very cultured this week. Tomorrow I am going to see Monkey Journey to the West which I’m very excited about, and on Thursday I’m seeing La Clique.

5. I just scared myself because I could hear music coming from somewhere and, doh, it’s my earphones cos I turned the volume up on my computer to listen to something earlier. Calm down heart, it’s not a ghosty thing.

6. I got shoes for the wedding. Lizzie was kind enough to go shopping with me, in the rain, on Saturday, and we found some that are nice, and not too high, and also feel comfortable. I am going to start wearing them around the house so I am less like a new born calf on the big day.

7. The episode of 90210 where Dylan’s father is blown up has got to be, hands down, the best acting I have ever seen. It’s possible there’s some sarcasm in there somewhere. Luke Perry, you made my day.

8. I needed to finish on a round number, and can’t seem to make it to 10.

Anyway, off that mad tangent. I didn’t do much this weekend. I did some (very unsuccessful) shopping. Why are all trousers at the moment either high waisted or have stupid wide waistbands? I just want some nice, normal work trousers please! Sigh. More shopping needed. I amused myself when standing looking at the chickens, by inadvertently making a pun. I was watching them in their hutch and some of them are HUGE! So I said that to them, and one ran off, and I said ‘Oh, you chicken.’ Haha. See, comedy genius me.

It was back to the daily grind on Monday, sadly. Yesterday I had a migraine and was pissed at the world. It started in the morning just after I got to work. I took my tablets and put my head on my desk while the lovely auras started. Half an hour later I could kind of see again but I felt sick. The pain in my head wasn’t too bad though, and I lasted a couple of hours at work before admitting defeat. I had an ad and some showcards to finish. It’s probably not wise to wield a stanley knife when you’re practically blind in one eye.

So I went home to bed, didn’t sleep at all, and watched The West Wing for the rest of the day. I do wish they’d find a cure for migraines sometime soon. I know I am lucky that I don’t get them often, and that they usually only wipe me out for the day, and that I have an understanding boss who doesn’t hold it against me when I have to leave work, but still. I don’t want much do I? Just a teleporter and a cure.

Enough moaning, have a cute picture of a dog instead:

This is Lucy and her ‘baby’ Monkey. Mum keeps buying Lucy babies from charity shops, and Lucy keeps on loving them. I am not sure who is more bonkers.

Saturday we went to Central Park. We walked around just taking it in, watching the hundreds of joggers and kids playing on swings. We walked past Strawberry Fields which I had always assumed was bigger, but it’s just a patch of ground opposite the Dakota Building. Then we headed to the zoo. Gotta say, it’s hella depressing there. Maybe it’s because it’s a children’s zoo and I stopped being a child (on some levels at least) some time ago, but the zoo was actually quite upsetting. You go in and the sea lions are being fed. OK, that’s cute, but…wait, is that where they live? In that tiny pool there with those rocks? All day, everyday? And then we went into the penguin hole, which is dark and gloomy and has no real air or sunshine, just a fake backdrop. Do penguins not like light? Do they not want to be outside? Because there were a lot of them cooped up in there.

The saddest part was the polar bear. Oh he was all scabby and bald on one side and had weird growths on his body. I was especially sad because I thought he was all alone, but then another one turned up so at least he has a friend in there. I left the zoo in a very gloomy state.

Then there was yet more shopping. A quick look around my old fave Abercrombie and Fitch. But, um, why is it a nightclub? It has booming dance music on, very dim lights so you can’t see and the floor lights up. I was amused by the half naked boy with six pack at the door. You could pose with him for photos.

Then on to Bloomingdales, then I started flagging so we searched for a Starbucks but we seemed to be in too nice an area for one those. Eventually we found one just as I was about to give up on life completely. On to Barneys, and then Saks. At one point Jayne stopped me. There were people protesting fur outside Escada. Jayne was wearing a fur coat. I had originally thought it was fake, but no, rabbit. Now, personally, the idea of wearing dead animal fur on my back grosses me out (hypocrite that I am, as I happily wear leather shoes), but she is my friend and I didn’t want to see her get red paint thrown in her face, so we did quick about turn. By this time I was dying and would happily have curled up next to a homeless person and gone to sleep. So. Tired. And my feet hurt. I had hit the brick wall of shopping.

Jayne carried on to find the perfect bag, while I gave in and went back to the hotel to collapse. It felt good. She returned victorious and we went out to Angelo’s for pizza. I recommend it, but if you ever go, get a small for yourself or a large to share, because they are huge.

On Sunday we walked down to Pier 17 to go on a boat trip. It was a really sunny, clear day, so perfect for a jaunt on the water. Sadly they weren’t running, I guess because it’s winter? So what else could we do? Shop again of course. We went up to Bleecker Street, to the famous Magnolia Bakery to get our fill of yummy cupcakes. Talk about a sugar rush. Then we walked by Washington Square and looked for cute dogs, there were few good ones, mainly little yappy annoying things. Then on to Broadway. I got some new boots, much more comfortable than my others, and also not wet.

We had dinner that evening at Lindy’s Diner. Yummy food, recommended. But the chocolate chip pancake finished Jayne off. I was already stuffed by that point. Leaving there I went into one of the many souvenir shops and was ripped off with my T-Shirt purchase. I swear the last time I was there I Heart NY shirts were like, 2 bucks, and now, $15? OK so that’s about 7 quid, but I saw them for way cheaper in other shops later. Darn it.

Then we went to Duane Reade to stock up on drugs. It amuses me greatly that over here people look at you suspiciously if you try to buy more than one packet of paracetamol at one time, but in the US I can get 100 tablets of Excedrin Migraine in one box, and no one bats an eyelid. Yay! The weight loss ‘Size Zero’ supplements are a bit worrying though.

We slept til 3 am and then it was off to the airport at 4. JFK Terminal 7 is severely lacking in shops, and nothing was open at that time and I was STARVING! Guh. The flight back was practically empty again so we got to spread out. I watched 3.10 to Yuma and The Devil Wears Prada, which were both very enjoyable, in very different ways.

And now it’s back to the daily grind. Ho hum.

The flight was actually decent because there was hardly anyone on it and we could spread out, although we did give death looks to the incredibly tall man who dared sit next to us initially. He moved. Hah! I watched The Invasion, which I had heard terrible things about but which actually was ok, but maybe that’s cos I was on a plane. I attempted to watch The Contract, because John Cusack was in it, but got bored. I tried to watch Rescue Dawn, but that was too intense, so settled on Stardust. Again.

I do have a bit of an issue with US Customs I’m afraid. I understand they are vigilant about who can come in and who can’t, as well they should be, and if they have to take my fingerprints and a photo of me with static plane hair, fine. But couldn’t they staff their Customs a little better? 4 people to 3 plane fulls of people just isn’t going to cut it. 4!!! Luckily we were the first plane off and I made the right call in not going to the toilet as soon as I got off the plane, but still, that queue went way back. I would have been pissed if I was back there after an 8 hour trip. And! Even though there were hardly any Americans in their queue, as soon as it got to say, 5 in a row, they let them come over to the front of our queue and go in first. Piss off!! We landed at 8.10pm and didn’t leave the airport til gone 9.30pm. That’s some welcome. Plus, once through there and we’d collected baggage, we had to go through further Customs checks where, and I swear this is true, the man there, all decked out in his uniform, put a hand to his gun as I walked up. Gulp. We don’t do guns in this country! I’m not used to them. I don’t like them. And I really don’t like them when they are in front of me attached to a man who looks like he’d rather kill me than let me into his country. Bloody hell.

And when he asked what was the reason for my stay my mind went blank. Shopping? Sightseeing? Visiting? Oh erm…Holiday! Oh how I missed my old passport with student visa that showed I had once been allowed to live in this country for a whole year with no problems.

Anyway, taxi to hotel. Check in. The man at the desk welcomes us and gets our room key and says ‘There’s only one bed in this room’ and we nod in our tired state and say yeah, that’s fine. And he gives us this look. This, ‘Oh I see you are lesbians’ look. Well, first off, if I was a lesbian looking at me like that would not go down well. And secondly, no! Do people not share beds in this country to save money on hotel rooms? Crikey. So far I had learned don’t be a foreigner and don’t be gay in America. (I’m kidding I’m kidding.)

After a fairly crappy night’s sleep (see, my whole ‘poo poo jet lag, poo poo’ just went out of the window right there) we got up and ventured out to find breakfast. And it was pissing it down. Seriously, it rained all day, proper, torrential ‘I am gonna soak you through sucker’ rain. Huh. Needed a big cup of tea. We found Bagel and Bean. Ah, Bagel and Bean, how I miss you already. It does what it says on the box. Then, due to the rain, we made our way to the MoMA. I called my friend Angela who I hadn’t seen since university ended…6 years ago? Too long anyway, and she and her boyfriend Ryan agreed to meet us there.

We did a quick lap of the MoMA, mainly because, although I generally like art, it does not do that much for me. My brother would appreciate it way more. If it looks like a two year old could do it, it’s not art. Hell, if it looks like I could do it, it’s not art. We saw Picasso and Warhol and…erm…some other really famous artists who I have already forgotten.

Then Angela and Ryan got there just as we were leaving. It’s funny, it’s been so long since I’ve seen them and yet within five minutes it was like I’d always hung out with them. Ryan took the lead and took us to the subway. We battled the rain some more, my brolly turned inside out several times and battered me in the face as the wind picked up. My so called waterproof boots just couldn’t take it anymore and so my feet were squishy, and my jeans were soaked to the knees.

We went to Century 21 to do more fun, indoors type things like shopping, passing Ground Zero on the way. I hadn’t been to New York since 9/11. The last time I had stood on that spot there had been huge towers there. I had gone up the long elevator ride to the top. I had bought souvenirs from the gift shop and rested my head against the glass to look down and make myself feel sick. I had stood outside and seen the slight curve of the Earth. It felt a little morbid to be there, and yet how can you go by and not at least take a moment to reflect?

Century 21 turned out to be very similar to our TK Maxx, in that, yes stuff is cheap, but you kind of had to dig around to get to the good stuff, and none of us were really in the mood to hunt. We had a break in Starbucks and chatted a while about our lives. Then we decided to go get something to eat. On the way we passed some shops and so had to go in of course. I got a pair of jeans from American Eagle for $20. Score. And then some more stuff for no money at Forever 21. What’s the obsession with 21 in clothing store names? Then we ate food at a great Italian restaurant and my gnocchi filled me up. After eating we said out goodbyes to Ryan and Angela. It had been so great to see them.

Somehow we were still awake and went for another little shop. Anyone who knows me will be astounded by the amount of shopping I did this weekend. I am a little shocked myself.

However, my mum did manage to drag me out of the house today, and we went to Meadowhall. Meadowhall! Imagine. I don’t even like going there on good days. But I did need to buy some clothes, and shopping in London is horrific at best. Plus, Meadowhall has added an extension, and they have a Primark there now (ooooh). So I bought five jumpers for about the same price as one I got the other day at Mango. They are very nice and will do for work so that’s good. Plus we got in and out of Meadowhell in under an hour. A record for sure. And I got a great long scarf from Matalan. It’s lovely and soft and comes to my feet nearly. On Sunday Mum and Tony took me to KDA to get halogen bulbs for cheap (80p!), the most random shop you have never seen. Next to the lightbulbs were nail extensions. But it kind of drags you in with all the wondrous crap it has to behold. Me: ‘What kind of person shops here oooh look a sewing kit.’ See what I mean?

On our way home today we stopped off at my aunty’s, and we ended up watching old videos of the kids and us on Christmas Eve. Good God I never had a good hairdo. And I am a sloucher! And I got very excited about getting a Shaun the Sheep stuffed animal. It is the one and only time I have thought me and Russell look alike. We both have hideous huge specs on, and he was growing his hair long. From the side we looked like twins. Scary.

Back to London tomorrow night. I will feel better in the morning. I will.

1. I hate Topshop. Hate it. Every time I go in there I come out feeling like shit. It’s full of overly made up girls wearing the latest fashion trend, taking their time and getting in your way. You can’t look around properly (especially not in your lunch hour) cos it’s so vast and I just wander about aimlessly for a lap, about turn and leave. Hate it. Or at least I hate the one on Oxford Street.

2. Miss Selfridge tells me I am a size 14 when every other shop I’ve ever been in in my life tells me I am a 12. Therefore, we can conclude, Miss Selfridge is evil.

3. Mango rocks. Not only did I find a black cardigan, I also found a black jumper and almost bought a grey jumper but it wasn’t quite right. Yes, marvel at the vast array of colours in my wardrobe.

4. Going shopping when wearing layers will leave you very hot and gross. Don’t do it.

5. Chocolate makes you feel good about most things, but not your back fat.

6. I love Fridays. (Not technically learned from shopping but hey, I felt it needed to be said.)