In Which I Refuse to Use a Predictable Title

I would be a lot better at keeping up with this blog if I didn’t have the world’s worst internet at home. It allows me to look at some websites but others it can’t muster the energy for. After weeks of trying to sort it out I have just about given up. This is what it’s come to, the fact that I can get online at all is seen as a blessing. I was going to write about going home to Yorkshire for the weekend, and the difference between my weekend and Max’s, since he was at the Big Chill hanging out with Kanye West (AKA, walking past Kanye West) and I was at an altogether different kind of festival (my brother playing in an empty field for charity). But since London has gone to hell in my absence I sort of feel I should mention it.

I wasn’t in London when the shooting happened last Thursday in Tottenham, and I wasn’t here for the first night of the rioting. I got back on Monday afternoon, preparing to go to derby practice that evening and keeping a wary eye on the news. As I was taping up my toes (new skates will be had soon, oh yes) I got a text telling me practice was cancelled due to the riots. Though the area we practice in was fairly quiet, it was kicking off in surrounding areas, and they wanted us to be safe. See, derby love peeps. I’d had a text from a friend saying my neck of the woods was allegedly a target, and to be careful. Now, I live in Stoke Newington, it’s like the least likely place to be hit by a mob you could ever see. It’s full of yummy mummies with designer pushchairs and people who get up in arms when a Nando’s opens. But coming home on Monday I saw a street that was closing up shop, shutters down and a weird, tense air. Later I heard that shopkeepers were standing outside their properties with bats, ready to fend off any attacks, but I don’t know how true this is.

And there lies a problem with what’s gone on in the past few days: rumour and speculation. If you looked up ‘Stoke Newington’ on Twitter, you’d see half the people there saying it was calm and all ok, and the other half shouting about cars on fire, and that a friend of a friend had said it was all kicking off, that 300+ gangs were descending, that danger was around every corner. There was nothing of the sort, and it’s this kind of reporting, without checking the facts, that I don’t like about Twitter. It’s great for getting information out, but you have to be careful not to believe everything you read. I think some people were just getting off on being able to incite fear.

I’m not even going to attempt to go into why these riots happened, or why they’ve spread, since smarter people than me have all had a go. But I will say that I think that it’s disgusting, and that I cannot imagine what it’s like to be one of those people whose entire lives were destroyed over the weekend when their homes were set on fire. I don’t know who those rioters were sticking it to, but it certainly shouldn’t have been these people.

I am hoping it’s going to calm down now and things will get back to normal, but that somebody, somewhere, at least learns something from it, whatever it is that needs to be learned.

So what are you? The Flying Nun?

• I don’t want to do any work today. I can’t concentrate and have no attention span. Hence here I am. I want it to be time to go home already.

• I went to Cheer Fit again this week, but didn’t have a buddy with me this time and felt a wee bit self conscious and could not remember the routines for the life of me. I may have to practice at home. Actually, I definitely will, as the class isn’t on now until April and I will have no idea what I’m doing by then.

• Did I say I was attempting to teach myself HTML? I was going to do a course, but the only one I found which isn’t ridiculously expensive annoyingly falls when I am away at a work conference, and isn’t on again until October. So I bought a book and so far it’s going ok. I know some basics thanks to the wonders of blogging. We’ll see how it goes.

• Last night I finally watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I’m only a little behind on my film viewing. Blame the many distracting series I’ve been watching. Anyway, it was ok, but sort of pointless really. I don’t know what it was trying to say, and I didn’t feel like I was watching some sort of amazing and heartbreaking love story. Benjamin and Daisy’s relationship was all sorts of ‘meh’. They didn’t develop it very well. Also, it was too long. They could have easily cut out the Tilda Swinton storyline and not lost anything. I wish they had, I was losing significant interest at that point. But it was a nice enough way to pass a few hours I suppose. Forgettable though.

• And this week Corey Haim died. It made me a little sad, and sadder still when all around me were going ‘Who?’ They are not that much younger than me, how have they never seen The Lost Boys? I love that film. And I did meet Haim once, sort of against my will, at a comic convention. I saw him sitting at a table with no one waiting to talk to him, and I had an extremely girly ‘OH MY GOD IT’S COREY HAIM!!’ reaction that was unexpected. And I was fine leaving it at that, but Max dragged me over to talk to him. Only I didn’t know what to say, could remember nothing about The Lost Boys or what to ask about it, other than ‘Umm, whatever happened to Nanook?’ That’s the dog if anyone cares. Corey Haim did not care and I may as well have just spat on him for the look he gave me. We made a hasty exit after that. (And this is why I am not allowed to talk to famous people. Ever.) I found it sad that he was signing photos of himself from when he was a teenager. I know people will say his death was hardly unexpected, given his drug use over the years, and maybe that’s true, but it does make me feel bad for him.

• That was a depressing end to the entry. What else can I leave you with? Um…my usual fall back. It’s Friday, woooohoooo!!!!!

Screws fall out all the time, it’s an imperfect world

John Hughes died. That’s just not the kind of news you want to hear first thing in the morning. He was only 59. I know he hadn’t been around Hollywood much recently, but the man is responsible for some of the best films ever, the films of my childhood. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched them. I know the quotes off by heart, I know exactly what’s coming next. And I still laugh. He gave me completely unreasonable expectations when it came to cute boys showing up on my doorstep and finally getting that, der, I was their perfect person. Just so you know, it never happened, but I’m ok with that. He’s probably the reason I wanted to be American when I was a kid, just so I could have a locker, and a yearbook, and go to the prom. Even with all the bullshit that went on in high school, I still wanted to be there, with those people.

He gave us Sixteen Candles and the geek that borrows your underwear. The Breakfast Club where we’re not that different from each other. Pretty in Pink (although, as we know, she should have picked Duckie) and the ending fixer with Some Kind of Wonderful. He gave us Ferris Bueller and Uncle Buck. He made Matthew Broderick look cool (I’m assuming since, well, look at him now) and John Candy lovable. And then there’s the heartbreaking montage at the end of She’s Having a Baby set to Kate Bush’s Woman’s Work. If you haven’t seen that film, you need to watch it.There are many, many more, but those are some of my favourites.

And of course, there are the quotes:

You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…and an athlete…and a basket case…a princess…and a criminal…Does that answer your question?… Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

I’m Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell’s wart. Not her wart. Not her wart! I’m… I’m the wart. She’s my tumor. My… my growth. My… uh, my pimple. I’m Uncle Wart. Just old Buck “Wart” Russell. That’s what they call me, or Melanoma Head. They’ll call me that. “Melanoma Head’s coming.” I’m s… uncle! Maisy Russell’s uncle!

And in the end, I realized that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made.

His name is Blane? Oh! That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name!

And one we should all live by:

Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

I may need to have a Hughes movies marathon this weekend. Maybe we all should.

I guess a lot of people are going to be writing about this today. I woke up this morning to the news that Michael Jackson had died last night. I was shocked. I can’t really call myself a fan, although I think I was, when I was younger. Maybe because back then he was everywhere. I think we even saw Moonwalker at the cinema. Anyway, it’s very sad, especially as he has three children who just lost their dad. I know there has been so much said about his personal life, but you know, I don’t know what’s fact and what’s fiction, so I’d just rather remember this:

Man, that kid could sing.

Grrr…Argh

Excuse me while I get my geek on.

There’s some talk today about a reboot/reimagining/rip off of the Buffy franchise. This is being instigated by Fran Rubel Kuzui, the director of the original (shitty) film. OK, the film version is mildly amusing, but it’s nowhere near as good as the series. This article makes it sound as though Kuzui was single-handedly responsible for the success of Buffy, even as a TV series. I’d say this quote from Joss, about the rewrites of his film script, pretty much sums up why that’s not the case:

“I had written this scary film about an empowered woman, and they turned it into a broad comedy. It was crushing.”

Yes she and her husband received producers credits on the series, but only because they, unfortunately, hold the rights, not because of anything they did to get the TV series on the air. It says they don’t rule out approaching Whedon about being involved, but I’d be very surprised if he was. I’d also be seriously pissed off if I was him.

I’m not sure if the people who wrote that article have any clue about what goes on in Buffy either. They say they can do their own version of the Slayer, and not tread on Whedon’s toes: “One of the underlying ideas of “Buffy” allows the filmmakers to do just that: that each generation has its own vampire slayer to protect it. The goal would be to make a darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential.” Uh huh, yeah, it used to, but since Buffy made all potential Slayers actual Slayers, that’s kinda out of the window now, you know?

As for the idea that we need another vampire slayer movie, personally I would rather have a proper Buffy film, or none at all, than this. But the one shining light is that they’re not doing a Buffy movie, because I can only imagine they’d ruin it. Instead it’ll be Vicky The Vampire Slayer or some such other crap, and I can just pretend it doesn’t exist, or enjoy it for the campy fun it will most likely be.

Basically all I can see this as is blatant cashing in on a franchise that is beloved by many people, myself very obviously included. These people haven’t had much success and they want some, whether they have to come up with something original or not.

Unfocused

• I spent the long Easter weekend at home visiting my mum and the crazy dogs. And other people I love, obviously. I may not believe in the whole ‘Christ has risen!’ thing, but I will happily accept a) two extra days off and b) more chocolate than my tummy can handle.

I left it too late to get decent priced train tickets (bastard thieving train companies), so I got the bus home. Four hours each way, which ate into my weekend somewhat, but never mind. I spent the weekend sitting in the conservatory knitting (and re-knitting) a baby cardigan. I cannot do armholes. Woe.

• Speaking of chocolate, my boss bought me a chocolate bunny to say thank you for all my awesome help while she was away recovering from surgery. It’s a Lindt bunny, one of the best. He is now headless and I feel slightly sick.

• I had a very disturbing dream about Zac Efron last night. Disturbing because, well, why the hell am I dreaming about Efron in the first place? I think that shows just how over exposed the dude is. And also, ICK! I hate my subconscious, and it must hate me too. I won’t go into details but boy do I feel like a pervert. I feel slightly better knowing he’s 21 and not 17, but still, ew.

• On a more serious note, today marks the 20th anniversary of the Hillsborough Disaster. In my memories I can see it unfolding before my eyes on the television, but I don’t know if that’s a real memory or a created one from seeing it on the news so many times. Not that it matters, I don’t really have any words that can sum up how awful it was, and still is.

Red Carpet Blues

I’m going to preface this by saying I know nothing about fashion whatsoever. Nada. Zip.

Now that’s out of the way, let me go all Joan Rivers on you. Here’s what I think about some of this year’s Oscar dresses. There were a lot of really, really boring frocks on display from what I’ve seen. Strapless seems to be in right now, and it’s all just very samey. Angelina Jolie’s was boring. Penelope Cruz was a yawn. Jennifer Aniston looked the same as she always does. Come on love, you could at least try to do something different with your hair.

My winner of the night was Natalie Portman. Sure it’s PINK! But she’s beautiful, she can get away with pretty much anything, and I think she carried it off really well:

Now my least faves. There were a lot of them. Sarah Jessica Parker’s princess boob dress was awful. Heidi Klum was all spiky edges, and Miley Cyrus kinda looked like she was being eaten by clams:

Kate Winslet’s was pretty terrible, I have to say. The one shoulder thing is not working for her, it’s a horrible colour, and what is that lace doing? Kate, I really like you, but no. You look waaay older than you are. There’s ‘serious actress’ and then there’s old lady:

Jessica Biel was all boxy and that weird bow thing looked like they’d left material attached by accident:

And Beyonce. Way to show off your very own House of Dereon line. Classy. But could you have worn something that looks less like 1960s wallpaper, or possibly some kind of lothario’s bed sheets? I’d have words with your mother about this one:

But the worst one I have seen goes to this lady. I have no idea who she is, but she must not have any good friends if they let her out of the house in this 80s bridesmaid dress inspired nightmare:

Any favourites I have missed? Any hideous ones that beat Miss Unknown here?

Barack Roll

I haven’t mentioned anything about the inauguration, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I watched it. At first I attempted to stream it from the BBC website, but that kept pausing or losing sound so I gave in and went out to reception to watch it on the TV. I can say I did not like Aretha Franklin’s singing, however much you’re not supposed to say that. Just didn’t do anything for me. I was slightly confused for a moment when the BBC announced she would be singing the national anthem, and instead of the Star Spangled Banner they played our tune. Wait, what? Turns out out was My Country ‘Tis of Thee. Thieves!! It was amazing to see all those people out there though. I could actually have gone to the inauguration in 2001, but why would I? Sure it’s a fairly historical event, but I’d have just been annoyed by it all. Loved Obama’s speech though. I’m hoping people back off him a bit now, let him settle in and get on with the job, and also level their expectations a bit. He is still just one man, he can only do his best.

Anyway, I am thrilled there is a new President, and hopefully George Bush will fall off the face of the Earth.

I would have saved this for Friday Fun, but Thursday is such a non-day that I felt it needed to be done now. Someone has way too much time on their hands, in the best possible way:

Bullet Points

• Yesterday sucked from start to finish. I had a sucky morning thanks to friendship drama and spent a couple of hours in a funk. Meanwhile, I had to do maths. Maths people! Me. I frickin hate numbers. But it’s budget time here in my office and the current state of the exchange rate is kicking my ass royally. I am almost over budget on my of my mailings and the damn thing hasn’t even been sent yet. So I sat for the majority of the day feeling sweaty as I tried to wrap my brain around the simplest of sums. Fun.

• You know what’s not a good movie to watch when you’re feeling blue? Rendition. There’s nothing like scenes of torture and the ever growing feeling that you’re losing all faith in human nature to really set your day off good. Excellent film though. It’s beautifully told, surprised and shocked me, and is terrifying in all the ways horror movies these days wish they were. It’s easy to put yourself in their position, to wonder what you would do if someone grabbed you, kept you locked in a dark hole and repeatedly tortured you for information — and have it be inflicted by people in power, have it be ok in the eyes of the law. How do you fight that? I was all kinds of disgusted, and the thing is, this happens, probably more than I want to think about.

Also, Meryl Streep is scary.

• I am happier today because a) it is Friday. Thank god. And b) the first news story I saw this morning was that of the plane crash in New York, where everyone on board survived. You can’t help but feel optimistic when you see that.

Victory! (maybe)

Remember how I was frustrated with the cinema going experience? Well, it seems people have finally taken note that not everyone wants to pay £10-14 for the pleasure of listening to other people talk through the film, or answer phones, or have children waving balloons in front of their faces.

Vue Cinemas (my local, thank god) have started over-18s only screenings. And not only that, but a member of staff will introduce the film and sit in the cinema while it’s on. All I can say is, about damn time. Honestly, I cannot believe it has taken this long for something like this to be implemented, or that they had to test it out to see if it would be a good idea. Of course it’s a good idea! The children thing isn’t a big concern to me, because mainly I go to later viewings and it’s not often that you get them there (sometimes you do, sadly), and if I’m going to a movie aimed at kids, I can’t be too annoyed if there are actually children there. It’s the adults that piss me off most of the time, with their complete disregard for anyone else’s viewing pleasure. So I am hoping that having a member of staff in the cinema for the film will make them think twice about having conversations, or answering their phone. In fact, maybe they’ll actually turn their phones off?! One can dream.

Of course, this might only work if said member of staff has powers to eject unruly people from the cinema, but I am cautiously optimistic about it. Maybe I’ll start going more often now.