Still Here, For Now

It’s been a while since I wrote anything here. I’m at that stage again of wondering whether to bother with this blog, seeing as I hardly ever update and when I do it’s about books (which I could do on Goodreads instead). I feel I am mostly sending words out into the void and what is the point? But until I make a decision about that, here’s a life update.

At the end of October I tried out for the main league again. It was a much better experience this time, but I still didn’t make it in. I am not a stand out, although they said my skills were good. It is fine, and they are probably right that I am not ready, but it sucks to lose yet more of my buddies from rec league. Really proud of them, but wish I could still skate with them. We also had another rec league bout on the same day and my team lost by one point. Ugh. We did play really well though, and the standard overall was great.

November 11^th was Nin’s birthday, so we went as a family to Robin Hood’s Bay to scatter her ashes. We spent a lot of time there when we were kids and that’s what she wanted. We’d meant to do this in summer but that just didn’t happen. Thankfully it was a beautiful sunny day and we all enjoyed each other’s company, and I think Nin would have been happy with that.

I was also an extra in a film, for the company Max works for. I don’t know if I will actually end up in the final cut, or if, even if I do, you’ll be able to see me or tell it’s me, but it was fun. I felt like a right prat for a lot of it, since it was all done on green screen, but I did get to fall about on some crash mats and attempt to look scared. It’s a good job I don’t want to be an actress, because I am terrible.

I attempted to do NaNoWriMo for the first time this November, and I made it to 20,000 words or so before life got in the way. But that’s 20,000 more words than I had to begin with, and I did like that NaNo forced me to sit down and write and just get words on the page without over thinking it. Just get the first draft done and fix it later. Usually when I write things it is just notes and ideas, like I have to wait for inspiration to strike before I can do anything, and this just means I don’t really get anywhere. So for that it was a good experience and I hope to continue with my book. And I would definitely try NaNo again, maybe just when I am not as busy.

And then I went to Berlin for four days, with Max and a bunch of rollergirls. We did some touristy stuff and a day of watching roller derby, as it was a tournament weekend. Berlin is a wonderful city. I’d never been before but it’s really cool to wander around. We did an alternative tour, being guided around for three hours looking at graffiti and getting a bit of history about the city. It was very cold though, and we abandoned our attempt to see a broken down theme park. We intend to go back when it’s a bit warmer and see more stuff.

And I’ll end with babies, since there are now two new ones in the world. My niece Isla was born six weeks premature last week, but she’s doing really well, she’s just very small. Her middle name is Betty, after my grandmother. It’s perfect. I am going up to Yorkshire to see her tomorrow. And then, on the same day, my friend had Annie, who is not tiny at all. I look forward to many cuddles.

Life is good.

Real Life

I don’t really talk about my life much on here, given that it’s a personal blog. I’ll write what I think are cute conversations or anecdotes, but I don’t talk about day to day stuff. Mostly it’s because I find it awkward doing so, when there are people I know reading. So I avoid talking about work, or Max (aside from the odd post about living with a boy). I don’t discuss politics or opinions on most things. I probably should, but it is easier to write about TV shows instead, and films and books and roller derby.

Here’s a real life thing: My grandmother died. To me she was Nin, a name given to her by my brother, the oldest grandchild and a boy too stubborn to say ‘Nan’. Thank goodness he did, since Nin just fit, and all the grandkids call her that. I have mentioned Nin on here before, usually referring to her as my grandmother because that’s easier than explaining every time. I like to say she’s where I got my crafting gene, although she was actually good at all those things – the sewing (she could make bridesmaid dresses), knitting and baking – and I just dabble. She was an accompanist for three choirs and all the kids and grandchildren had piano lessons, but sadly none of us got very far. She made the amazing cakes and the choosing of the cake was a big birthday tradition. I spent a lot of time with her when I was little, and she was a wonderful grandmother. I am not going to do her justice in a blog post, but it seemed wrong not to at least acknowledge that she’s gone, or what she means to me. I won’t write ‘meant’, because I think the things I have taken from her will stay with me for a long time.

Nin with her music medals

We found out she had cancer in mid January. She was in hospital then, but managed to come home and I got up to Yorkshire to see her. It was awful to see her looking so frail, but wonderful to see her home and much like herself, although over four days I could see a difference in her health. She was amazingly positive and met everything with a great sense of humour. I would like to hope I could be the same when faced with something like that, but I don’t know if I would be. I think she was trying to make it easier on everyone.

Nin died on Sunday 12th February. If there is any blessing at all it is that she was at home, surrounded by people who loved her. Mum said it was very peaceful. The mixed blessing is the time factor. When she was initially diagnosed they said it would be three to six months. In the end it was 25 days. The blessing side of if it is that she wasn’t ill for long. She wasn’t in pain. And Nin would have hated being in bed, stuck doing nothing, because she was never in. Whenever you’d phone she was always just on her way out, or only had five minutes, and it was the same when visiting. The speed of it all is hardest on us, as it’s all come as a shock, and there hasn’t been much time to get our heads around it. But then we did have a little time, more than some people get. I got to see her, and though I didn’t know it was the last time, I at least had that. I was just saying to my mum that it’s easier for me, because I am in London and wouldn’t see Nin as often as everyone else, I can sort of carry on as normal. It’s not a constant thing, it’s more waves of sadness as I remember or think of her. It’s when I would see her and now can’t that it’ll hurt more. Her birthday is in my calendar. When do you stop writing that sort of thing down?

I went home last week for her funeral and it was, as much as it can be, a beautiful service. Extremely sad, but fitting, and with lots of laughter. I think Nin would appreciate that, that those who love her can reminisce and find so much to be thankful for and happy about. The members of the choirs she played for came and sang, and though that was probably the hardest part of the service, since I associate music with Nin, it was also the most beautiful, and right that they should.

I guess there’s nothing else to say except I’ll miss her. And I’m incredibly sad.

Me and Nin, c.1986

Happy New Year

We’re done with Christmas again then. I went to my Mum’s in Yorkshire and had a lovely time, though I was glad to be back in my little flat after a week away. Mum says everything that happened over Christmas will end up on here anyway, but this time she’s wrong. I shall just say that my family are quite mad and leave it that. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them, just…in small chunks, you know?

I got back on Friday and me and Max spent NYE at a friend’s house being beaten at Trivial Pursuit. Since then I’ve mostly vegged out and attempted to make a dent in the massive amounts of chocolate and biscuits we have acquired over the festive season. Yesterday we went for a 5 mile skate around the Emirates, so at least I don’t feel as guilty for all the crap I’ve been eating.

Max is back at work today (just for the day) but I am not. The Carrie of December gets bonus points for booking an extra week off, though she’ll lose them again when I go back and remember all the crap she left me with. I am already not looking forward to going back to work, although the dread started about three days in to my holiday. It’ll be next Monday before I know it.

I got some lovely things for Christmas, some new knee pads from Max for roller derby, many books, a big photo frame from my bro as I’d said I wanted stuff for the walls in our flat, which are very bare, a tea set and the aforementioned chocolate.

One of my favourite things about this holiday has been Max reading The Hunger Games. He’s not a big reader usually, so seeing him race through these books – and his passionate arguments for Team Peeta – have just about made my month. I loved the books too, as you can see here, but I was Team Gale in the beginning. Max cannot comprehend this. Why Gale? He doesn’t do anything? Peeta is awesome! He bakes! He’s romantic! He’s totally your type! Gale would do your nut in! You hate outdoorsy types. And on and on. He also keeps guessing what will happen next, though he’s mostly been wrong on that. Can’t wait to see how he feels about the ending.

And here we are in 2012. I may attempt to update this place a bit more, but I can’t promise it. I contemplated doing another Cannonball Read, and maybe I will keep a better record of my books, but I don’t think I want to do one officially. I’ve been seeing a lot of blogs reviewing 2011 and all the things people did in their year and I feel, as usual, woefully behind. Other than starting a new job, joining roller derby and moving in with Max, I haven’t really accomplished all that much. Maybe 2012 will be different, but since I’m very much a slacker, it probably won’t.

Who’s That Girl?

I probably don’t talk about my mum enough here. I should start taping our conversations so I can write a transcript and show you how funny she can be. Not always intentionally. But she’s pretty much always crazy. A lot of the time when she’s telling you a story about someone she’ll say things like, ‘You know, so-and-so…her with the hair’ and if you keep going long enough you can decipher who the hell she means, though by the time you get there the point of the story has been lost.

The last time I went home, which was for my birthday back in May, Mum started telling me about this famous actress and how she hadn’t known that this other actress was her daughter and it had just blown her mind and could you believe it?

Me: Well, who is it?

Mum: *With a somewhat blank look* Um…I can’t remember now. She was blonde. And…little? And the daughter was quite young I think, but she’s been in stuff recently.

Me: Not Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson, because I know them, and I want it to be surprising when you tell me who it is.

Mum: No, not them. *Names actress I can’t remember, because I am my mother’s daughter and this happened two months ago and I didn’t write it down*

Me: *Looking her up on IMDB* She doesn’t have a daughter. Or any kids.

Mum: Oh. Gena Rowlands?

Me: I don’t think she can have a young daughter…

Mum: Granddaughter?

Me: Er…her son is a director. I don’t think it’s her.

Mum: The woman who’s married to Kevin Bacon?

Me: Kyra Sedgwick. Not her.

This goes on for a while as I attempt to unravel my mother’s thought processes and fire out names. It doesn’t work. After a bit of a giggle we give up, but it’s going to bug me until I forget about it. That lasted until this evening when I thought of it again. She still can’t remember but threw out Laura Dern and Diane Ladd as an option. I will take it, even though I would say Laura Dern is not a teenager or young woman (not saying you’re old Laura), but I dunno if I knew Ladd was her mother so it will do. If anyone else has any ideas of who it could be, fire away.

Here We Go Again

It’s been almost three months of no blogging, and you know what? I kinda miss it. I realised this as I was writing maybe the fifth post in my head. If I can’t shut it off I might as well write it down. And there have been things! Things to talk about! (I have to say though, it’s a bit disconcerting to find that I get more blog hits when I don’t write than when I do. How is that even possible?) And so, here’s a little recap of the last three months:

1. I had Norovirus. I took almost a week off work. It was less than fun, as you can imagine.

2. I survived our office move, whereby two companies that had shared space for over thirty years went their separate ways. This involved throwing out epic amounts of useless crap that had been accumulated; packing up everything deemed essential (and stuff that was not but survived the weeding anyway); packing boxes, lifting boxes, unpacking boxes; suffering from sellotape burn; aching all over, being exhausted and ready for a holiday; being disappointed by people’s behaviour; trying not to lose my shit over said people’s behaviour; splitting myself in two because…

3. I got a new job. I have left my old company to go to the one we shared an office with but don’t any more. Following? It’s still in publishing but I’ll now be working in editorial, with some publicity/marketing functions until the position grows to full time. It’s very early days as I started at the beginning of the year, but as I’d been looking for a new job for almost three years all I can say is: PHEW! No more applications! No more CV writing! No more interviews with people who have obviously already chosen a person but have to advertise the position anyway! No more personality tests and stupid questions! I hardly know what to do with myself, or my free time. And so I…

4. Signed up for Roller Derby. I haven’t skated since I was about ten and I am lethal on two feet, let alone wheels, but still, I really wanted to have a go. I got my skates, will have pads etc soon, and start the fresh meat programme with the London Roller Girls in February. Am scared! But also very excited.

5. Cannonball Read III started over at Pajiba but I decided not to do it again this year. I want to read for pleasure and not race through a book to fill a quota. I am following those taking part though, and already have some books added to my wishlist based on their reviews. And I’ll still be posting my thoughts on books I’ve read, just maybe not every book I read.

6. Also there was Christmas in there and New Year. Christmas was lovely, excepting the car crash we had on Christmas Eve, when we hit black ice, skidded off the road and ended up in a ditch. Thankfully only the car died, but we were incredibly lucky. New Year’s Eve was a more sedate affair, with me and Max watching films and avoiding crowds. It’s the best way to do it you know.

And that’s it really. I will attempt to post regularly from now on.

Home, Home on the Range

Last week I went home to Yorkshire to see my Mum (and briefly saw my brother for about three seconds. Charming.) so had a nice long weekend with extra days in bed. This came in useful as I had yet another damn cold. It’s like my body knows when I’m going home and thinks ‘Aha! Perfect time to be poorly!’ Stupid thing. Mum had made rock cakes though, which is pretty impressive when you consider how crap she is at baking (oh look, I had a cold then too). But they were really good! And she made ones without raisins in, just for me. I have the recipe and will have a go at making them too. If they are Mum-proof I should be ok.

On Monday I went to Cheer Fit again, and it was still excellent fun. We practised the C’est La Vie cheer again, and started a new one to Alexandra Burke’s Broken Heels song. I don’t really like her or that song, but it went well enough with the moves.

And while I’m here and instead of giving it its own post, I have another book fail. I thought I’d carry on with it for a bit, but I just can’t be bothered and I want to read the new Harper Connelly anyway. So I am giving up on Deja Dead by Kathy Reichs. When I was home I watched an episode of Bones, and it was quite entertaining (although I avoid it as Emily Deschanel annoys me for some reason), so I thought I’d try the books. Mum had the first one, and I liked the idea of having a new series to be getting on with. But I don’t like it. I am bored. The writing makes me want to skim and the main character doesn’t interest me. There’s a lot of intense description about the state of the bodies, and while usually I have no problem with that kind of thing, this hasn’t sat well with me. I don’t want to pick it up again when I have time, so I think it’s better to move on.

Nearly the weekend!!

Got Any Chocolate?

And so Christmas is over once again. Won’t be long before it’s here again though. You might laugh but the years go quick. I have been in Yorkshire for most of it, loving being off work and mainly lolling about doing very little. Bliss. I got lots of nice things and ate far too much food, most of it chocolate based. I’d write a proper entry but really, who’s going to read it? This year:

• We have all lost our shit over the snow.
• We again pretended we wouldn’t go to my grandmother’s house on Christmas Eve, only to cave at the last minute, but we positively would NOT be opening presents. And yet we did.
• I have learned more about my grandfather’s bowel movements than I ever needed to. Must go bleach my brain.
• Mum gave up her tradition of running up and down the stairs and flushing toilets to wake us up. I guess that makes me officially old.
• I moaned about not getting any socks or smellies.
• I spent a ridiculous amount of time playing DS games, and I haven’t even started the new Zelda yet. There goes my reading target…
• On Boxing Day I watched too much TV, including The Proposal, The Other Boleyn Girl, and Inkheart.
• You can tell I was going stir crazy since I agreed to go shopping in the sales.
• I was disappointed by Doctor Who.
• I have felt cold, especially my poor feet, for most of it.
• Christmas telly was mostly crap. Who does the schedules and why did they show the third Pirates film before the second? Same with The Santa Clause sequels. (Although who knew there were three of those?)
• My Google Reader had hit 250 posts on my return. I admit to hitting ‘mark all as read’ a fair bit. Sorry.
• I have succeeded in getting through the festive season without having a cold. Woot! Dear universe, this is not an invitation to strike me down.

I have no plans for New Years Eve, but since I hate, loathe, detest!!! NYE I don’t really mind not doing anything. The weather is awful, it’s cold and wet, I do not wish to trek across the city in the dark to go to a party where I know no one and be jostled about and feel out of place until the clock strikes twelve and we all pretend to like each other and then trek back across London to go home. I’m such a bloody misery. Of course, I will go, if I get a nice invite, but snuggling up under a duvet and watching The Big Fat Quiz of the Year sounds like heaven to me…Oh, it appears that’s on New Year’s Day. Pfft. Schedulers.

Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjos

Today I have been in the deep dark depths of Atlanta’s back country. Well, probably not really, but it felt like it. The title of this post is from t shirts you can buy, so at least they poke fun at themselves. I woke up at 9 this morning, (after a kick ass Terminator dream) much more civilised, and we headed out in the rain. Yesterday the storms here were amazing. I sat outside on the deck and drank tea while rain poured down around me and thunder shook the ground.

We went to Dahlonega and got there about midday. We had lunch first at the Picnic Cafe. What do they put in the food here? It was so tasty. I had egg salad, and they put apple in it! Which I would never do in a million years but it was grand. And also some sort of tomato bisque/soup thing that rocked my world. We then walked around the square for a bit and went in the shops looking at mad things for sale. What the hell is apple butter? And why can’t they just sell jam? Why must it be jam and jelly and preserves? Pick one! Dahlonega is where gold was first discovered in the US, but alas, the gold museum was not open. Puh. After I’d bought fudge and Sam had tormented the chocolate making lady we left and headed to Amicalola Falls and onto roads where no man has gone before. So it seemed. There was nohing on the sat nav even. I asked Sam ‘There aren’t bears in Georgia, are there?’ ‘Yeah’. ‘Huh.’ We tried to decide, should the car break down, just which house we’d like to go to for help. Not that you see many houses, jut mail boxes with very long drives leading into the woods. I didn’t see bears, but I did see an eagle sitting on a fence post. Probably waiting for roadkill, of which there is lots.

We made it to the falls and a nice man told us which trail to take. We didn’t walk, puh, no way, we drove up. Although first I visited the porta loo and jumped back with a shriek when I opened the door to find the world’s largest spider hanging in its web, chillin. You know, the kind that bites you and your arm swells up and drops off. Yeesh.

The falls were very picturesque, but I don’t like at all the spiderwebs wrapped around tree branches. That’s just not right.

Hmm, what else? Last night we watched P.S I Love You, and even though I’d read the book and thought it was utter shite, and I’d heard terrible things about the film, it wasn’t actually that bad. Mainly because Jeffrey Dean Morgan is in it I think, though not for long enough. Also, I do hate Gerard Butler, so it was hard to care that he died of a brain tumour. And his Irish accent was TERRIBLE! When it first started I thought maybe he was being American, but no. Awful. Oh, and this morning I watched more Cribs and can tell you 50 Cent’s house is also disgusting. It has about 30 bedrooms and 40 bathrooms and looks like a hotel. Hardly any furniture and not homely at all. Yuck.

Potential

When I went home a couple of weeks ago the baby photo albums were out for some reason, and so I took that as an opportunity to scan many, many photos of me being all cute and little. I won’t post them all here, because they’re probably only interesting to a handful of people, but here’s one that’s a fairly big deal.

The first photo. Here I am, brand new, all of 20 minutes old. I am calm and quiet, lulling my mother into a false sense of security there, since I spent the next six months screaming my head off. Here is a me with a completely blank slate, no idea what awaits her, but she looks ok about it. And so she should, there’s not much to worry about really. The first few years will be sweet, school will seem like a drag but later she’ll realise it wasn’t. Boys will be her friends, and then a source of angst. She’ll be smart, but not as smart as she could be. She’ll travel, but not as many places as she’d like to. She’ll be loved, but it won’t end up the way she wanted. And her 20s will kind of suck, but we’re hopeful it’ll get better.

I know I’m biased, but I think I’m it’s pretty amazing.

Knitty Gritty

I have nothing of real interest to post about, other than slight grumbles about flatmates and why is it that they can never EVER take the bloody recycling out…but we’re not going there. Instead, have something nice and non-ranty.

Look! Look what Nin made me! (Nin would be my grandmother by the way.)

Isn’t she brilliant?! It is so snug and lovely and warm. OK, so not getting that much use since it’s summer and we’ve even had sun in England. But still, when it gets cooler at night it’s nice to wrap up in. I like to think that one day I’ll be able to knit like that, but so far my attempts are proving me wrong. God, I really am rubbish at it. Stupid arm hole shaping and picking up stitches. I keep going though. I will not give up! Or I’ll just pretend I’m awesome and pass off Nin’s stuff as my own.