Last night I went to see The Goonies at the cinema. I’ve never seen it on the big screen, and even though I couldn’t possibly tell you how many times I have seen this film over the years, I still loved it. I may know nearly all the words, I may know what’s going to happen next, but it still makes me laugh, I still bop along to Cyndi Lauper, and it can still surprise me. I think I must have been watching the PG version all these years or something, the Goonies swear? And there were little additions to scenes that I swear I have never seen before.
And so as I take another trip down memory lane with a film from my childhood, I have to wonder, is there anyone my age who didn’t wish they were a Goonie at some point? Who would have given their right arm to have friends like Mikey and Data and Mouth and Chunk? To go on adventures underground and find the rich stuff and One-Eyed Willie and avoid the booty traps (that’s what I said, booby traps!). And if there is, then what the hell is wrong with you people? We cannot be friends.
The Goonies sort of epitomises my childhood films, in that we always had it on tape, or were watching it on tv whenever it was on. We’d quote from it, even my mum gets ‘It’s a stiff!!’ Or the ‘Hey you guys!’ And doesn’t it have the best score ever? Every time I hear it I think I need to go on an adventure. And hell, even one of my favourite pieces of clothing is my Goonies Never Say Die T-shirt.
Yes Chunk, it is in fact, a stiff.
I know this film is cheesy. I know the ending especially so, what with the ‘I love you Sloth’ and ‘you’re my best invention’ and the rejects saving the day and the ship sailing off into the distance. Everyone loves each other, aww. But you know what? It is an ‘aww’ moment for me, stupid as that is. It’s just lovely. And I feel like (and stop me if I sound stupidly old here) it couldn’t be made these days. The kids in it are just so ordinary. All of them. There’s no pin up boy or sexy girl. Sure they have a cheerleader and the big brother works out, but they’re both kind of dorky still. And they’re all friends. They good naturedly pick on each other, but you know they’ve all got each other’s backs. Mikey might seem to be the de facto leader, but he still listens to what they have to say. And I like how they all have some sort of skill that they can use to help them along the way. No one is totally useless. Well, Stef doesn’t do much, but her sarcasm is always amusing.
Plus, you’ve got Sean Astin before he was a hobbit, Josh Brolin before he was a president, Joe Pantoliano before he was in the Matrix, Corey Feldman before he was on drugs. Well, maybe for that last one, he could have been. What more do you need? You don’t like pirates? You don’t like treaure? I guess the only way to sum up this film is to say it’s excellent, fantastic even, fun. I’m never going to be bored watching The Goonies, and I am always, always going to wish I was one of them.
P.S. Mama Fratelli still scares the crap out of me: