I stopped by Max’s on my way home to pick up some more of my TV shows. Somehow, and I can’t remember why, but we got to talking about Star Trek. Now, back in the day, I was a huge Star Trek fan. Well, I still am I guess, but I don’t watch it like I used to, mainly because nothing good has come out of the franchise for a while. So, after a short conversation and quoting Picard saying ‘Engage’ etc, and me searching my ever addled brain for the name of Worf’s weapon of choice (a Bat’leth, in case you wondered), and Max asking if I know any Klingon (I don’t), Max decided to tell me a joke. Oh, and note, Max has never watched Star Trek.
M: Ok, so, Picard has got a sewing machine and it’s broken…
C: Why doesn’t he use the Replicator?
M: What’s a Replicator?
C: It can make anything you need.
M: He’s sewing
C: But if Picard needed a garment he would just go to the Replicator and say ‘Hey, Replicator, I would like a jumper’, and he would have it.
M: The Replicators are broken. So he takes the sewing machine to this guy…
C: Why wouldn’t he take it to Data?
M: Who’s Data?
C: A character on the show!
M: Data can’t fix it.
C: Data can fix anything! He’s an Android, he has a computer for a brain!
M: Big Sigh.
C: Now, if Picard was on another planet say, without Replicators or Data, then I could understand the need for a sewing machine. If you’d just put a little back story in, this joke would work much better.
M: Fine. He’s on Earth…
C: Not Earth. Earth in Star Trek is very advanced.
M: Fine! He’s in Wombwell*, they’re still very backwards there.
C: Silence.
M: He takes the sewing machine to a man to get it fixed. The man says ‘What do you want me to do with it?’ And Picard says, ‘Make it sew’.**
C: You know, that’s not a very good joke.
*My hometown
**Picard’s well known catchphrase is ‘Make it so’, in case you don’t know, often followed by ‘Number 1′, cos he was talking to Riker.
